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the coffee gourmand (and the coffee snob) August 28, 2008

Posted by That Guy in Staff.
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The Coffee Gourmand

Photo used under CC license; by Flickr user midnightlounge.

The Coffee Gourmand. The Coffee Gourmand is someone you might actually want to have around. While everyone else sits around complaining how bad the coffee is — or spends $4 going out to Starbucks every day — this guy takes the time to go to the grocery store and pick up a bag of good coffee. Maybe not great coffee — maybe it’s just store-brand — but it’s better than the crap the company buys for you. He’ll also provide high-quality creamer and sugar and such.

The Coffee Gourmand is all well and good if he’s just a gourmand. But some Coffee Gourmands are actually Coffee Snobs. Those are the ones you want to stay away from. Come in with a cup of McDonald’s Iced Coffee and you’ll be treated to a treatise on how terrible it tastes compared to brewing your own and putting ice in it. Starbucks? Oppressed workers and overpriced beans. And if you should happen to visit your favorite private coffee house, be prepared for a long discussion about how your coffee shop stands up to his in terms of price, flavor, relative heat, and ambiance.

You may have more than one Coffee Gourmand at your office. You may have one who brings in flavored coffee, one who brings in gourmet coffee, one who brews coffee strong enough to put hair on your backside no matter how much you depilate, and one who haunts the cubicles around the kitchen, waiting for someone to brew gourmet coffee — but she never brings any of her own.

Coffee drinkers, watch out for the various varieties of the Coffee Gourmand, and be on the lookout for the Coffee Snob. If you have these people at your office, you might want to switch to Coke. You’ll still have to listen to them talk, but at least you won’t get yelled at.

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