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the facebook babe March 3, 2009

Posted by That Guy in Staff.
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The Facebook Babe. After writing yesterday’s post, I wanted to expound a little on people who post vacation pictures of themselves on Facebook. Recently, there’s been posts on the internet covering Facebook privacy settings and how to keep people who don’t need to see your revealing pictures from seeing them.

Like people from work.

Though I haven’t written about these people yet, there’s always one or two really good-looking guys and one or two really good-looking girls at the office. These folks are the ones people want to hang out with, have lunch with, be friends with, and generally be close to in the hopes of some of that residual hotness rubbing off. (It never happens. I’ve tried.) These people are not the Facebook Babe.

One of these women is the Facebook Babe.

One of these women is the Facebook Babe.

The Facebook Babe is usually a woman. (It can be a man, but for the purposes of this definition, let’s go with woman.) She’s almost always between the ages of 25 and 31, and she’s probably been promoted very quickly — at CorporateSpeak, our former Facebook Babe (she has since moved on) worked in a niche sales area out west for a couple of years before coming to us as a manager reporting to the General Sales Manager, putting her more or less on equal footing with managers who’d been with the company for more than ten years. The Facebook Babe is intelligent, friendly, and generally knows her stuff, but there’s always something she messes up or doesn’t understand that screws it up for everyone else. She’s always willing to go out to lunch, and she’ll usually pay because she has an expense account. She takes an interest in what you do and if you ever need help, as long as it seems like it’ll be fun, she’ll be glad to step up.

The Facebook Babe is also pretty. Not gorgeous, not stunning, not drop-dead-have-a-heart-attack beautiful, but pretty. She’s nice to look at, and she knows how to dress to accentuate her best features, be they above her shoulders or below them. You look at a stunning woman and say “wow, she’s amazing”, but you look at the Facebook Babe and say “y’know, I could see myself waking up next to her every day.”

The thing is, the Facebook Babe knows she’s not the best-looking girl out there. She’s been on the verge of being gorgeous ever since high school, and she wants to stay on the inside looking out. She’ll have joined a sorority — not the one known for having the hottest girls, but the one known for having babes who are fun to hang out with. Her friends tend to be about as pretty as her, though when you go through her Facebook albums, she’s most likely hanging onto the one or two who are prettier.

Yes. Her Facebook albums. You’ll have access to them for two very simple reasons:

  1. The on-the-verge mentality makes her overcompensate a little and, as a result, friend everyone in the office no matter how inappropriate it might be.
  2. She refuses to set her privacy settings so that only her actual friends can see pictures of her on the beach in Puerto Vallarta.

The Facebook Babe is fully aware that you can see pictures of her getting drunk or wearing a bikini. She’s depending upon your professionalism about the whole thing — everyone on the internet is doing it, so as long as you don’t talk about it or tell the boss, we can keep it on the DL; I’ll keep posting them, you keep ogling them. All of this is covered in a tacit conversation on Monday that goes like this:

You: “Hi, Gina.” (1)
Facebook Babe: “Hi, Harold. Good weekend?” (2)
You: “Yeah, it was fine. How was your vacation?” (3)
FB: “Great! I went to Mexico; my friend has a timeshare. It was soooooooooo hot.” (4)
You: “Sounds like fun. *shuffles feet* Well, I’ll see you in the sales meeting at 11?” (5)
FB: “Sure thing!” (6)

Here’s what each piece really means:

  1. I’m saying hello to you because you’re hotter than most women who’ll talk to me, and because we’re colleagues, you actually HAVE to talk to me from time to time.
  2. I’m making polite conversation because we work together.
  3. I know you’ve been gone for a week. We going to see any pictures?
  4. I went to the beach for a week. I have a ton of pictures. Check my Facebook; I put them up when I got home yesterday.
  5. I’m just going to head back to my desk to stripmine your Facebook albums from your vacation. I can’t wait to see you at 11 so I can replace your well-tailored silk blouse and slacks with a bright-pink bikini — in my mind, of course.
  6. You’re creeping me out. I’m going to be polite as I depart, and then IM with my friends about how creepy you are.

The Facebook Babe is a mix of professionalism, attractiveness, exhibitionism, and friendliness that everyone in the office loves to have around. And if you’re reading this blog, you know exactly who the Facebook Babe is at your office.

Why not go check out her latest photo albums? I’ll wait.

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1. the brick wall « corporatespeak - April 13, 2009

[…] to see them as sexual objects when you’re in meetings with them (I’m looking at you, Facebook Babe). But sometimes there’s a person at work that, when you complain about him, you can’t […]

2. the most stressful time of the work week « corporatespeak - April 21, 2009

[…] exciting, you’re not on late, posting pictures of your debauchery (unless you’re the Facebook Babe). When you get to your desk and see those 200 e-mails waiting for your attention, what’s the […]

3. on being hamstrung « corporatespeak - May 26, 2009

[…] falls into your lap, you have to take it. I mean, the most popular post ever on CorporateSpeak is The Facebook Babe — maybe because there’s a picture of two women in bikini tops? I don’t […]

4. Tomas - July 22, 2014

I do not think you’d will need to go all the wayy
up to dedicated, a VPS will give that youu simply private IP,
and that is a few things i am on. I do think that wiill be more effective available
for you. Buut yes, that culd happen in shared environment, providing
you share an IP with a theif, you can get bit with the blacklist.

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