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That Guy’s Tips for Corporate Success, #17 April 15, 2009

Posted by That Guy in Tips for Corporate Success, Wasting Time.
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On a day when the vast majority of Americans either are pooped on by the government or are waiting to get money back that they’ve invested in a zero-interest-savings-account with the government, I figured it would be a nice relief* to read something amusing.

CC-licensed photo by Ruthanne Reid.

CC-licensed photo by Ruthanne Reid.

About poop.

Unfortunately, someone’s already written a treatise as to why you should poop at work. I’m not going to step on Laurie Ruettimann’s masterwork, “Do You Poo At Work? (Because Maybe You Should), but I am going to pull a little bit of it for you to enjoy:

I have a very good friend who once confessed to me that he only poops at work. He told me that it is the American dream to get paid to take a dump. Lots of people are losing their jobs, he said, and he intended on taking advantage of one of the few remaining perks in life – sitting on the toilet at his office.

He said, “Why poop at home if someone is paying you to work? Might as well poop on the clock.”

And that, my friends, is the crux of the issue. Your company cannot legally prevent you from going to the bathroom (I think). If you’re not abusing the privilege, then what’s the problem? So you take 20 minutes in the bathroom to read the paper. So you answer the occasional e-mail to the sound of others flushing and running. So you inadvertently observe who’s washing their hands and who’s on yellow alert — that is, who hasn’t at least made a token effort to rinse their hands. At the very least you’ll know not to use their desks, right?

While I don’t advertise it to my co-workers, I think I can share with you that I do poop at work. Sometimes twice a day. When the urge comes upon me, why should I suppress it? There are four bathrooms in this building, plus a semi-secret pair of stalls near one of the conference rooms. Why shouldn’t I use one of them? What’s the problem?

Haven’t pooped at work yet? Try it out. You may find it more relaxing than you ever expected.

Just because you’re on the clock doesn’t mean you shouldn’t poop at work.

There’s your tip for Tax Day. Enjoy.

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* See what I did there?

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Comments»

1. rolled-up newspaper guy « corporatespeak - May 21, 2009

[…] Posted by That Guy in Staff, Wasting Time. Tags: newspaper, poop trackback About a month ago, I suggested that you should poop at work. But I probably should’ve added “be discreet about it”. As RockstarMama warns: […]

2. Brett Stevens - May 28, 2009

I love pooping at work. Among other things, for all the scatological metaphors used about the workplace, it’s nice to finally reify those symbols.

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