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That Guy’s Tips for Faking It: Introduction April 27, 2009

Posted by That Guy in Seen Elsewhere, Tips for Corporate Success, Tips for Faking It, Wasting Time.
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It takes a lot of work to fake it in this economy, but rather than actually working harder, it benefits your huge amount of goof-off time to work smarter. SpikeTV has ten tips; here are some of the best:

9. Plan an Escape Route: This is basically straight out of Office Space. When Peter knows Lumbergh is going to ask him to work the weekend, what is the first thing he does? Plan an elaborate exit strategy. Getting out of work quickly and quietly is more important and more complex than an Iraq exit strategy.

This is vital. Know where the exits are, but better, know the way to walk around the office and stay out of sight. Here at CorporateSpeak, behind the content department’s reception desk is a wall of monitors. I can sneak behind them and get out of here without anyone noticing.

6. CC Ceaselessly and With Impunity: Copying your boss on emails is a good way to let him know you’re active. In Sloane Crosley’s essay The Ursula Cookie, she describes the worst boss imaginable. One of the things Ursula constantly says is that she has no idea what her employee does all day. Well if she got 200 copied emails about the minutia of her day, not only would she know, but she’d likely give her a little space.

The real trick is to make sure your boss is included on every decision you might possibly make. That way, instead of starting your project, you can say “well, I didn’t start because I wanted to make sure you were on board with my plan.” That’ll give you at least half an hour of goof-off time if you play your cards right.

The article also suggests you become a smoker so you can take smoke breaks, but with more and more companies instituting penalties for smoking on the job, that’s likely not your best option. Plus it’s unhealthy, and if you have kids, in some states smoking could be construed as a form of child abuse or (especially in our divorce-crazy country) count against you in custody battles.

For the rest of the week, I’m going to present to you “That Guy’s Tips for Faking It”. Every morning you’ll get a useful tip that will help you — if you’re smart about it — keep your job, look busy, and avoid extra work.

Speaking of mornings, here’s one of my favorite parts of the old Dilbert TV show — which I do own on DVD.

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