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living in the fridge 9: milk May 14, 2009

Posted by That Guy in Living in the Fridge.
Tags: , , , , ,

“Living in the Fridge” is a week-long series covering things you’ll find in your office’s refrigerator. Items 1 through 5 appeared in December 2008.

Milk. There are people who like their coffee black. Then there are people like me — people who like it a little creamier. Companies that provide coffee also likely provide either small tubs of cream or non-dairy powdered creamer, but neither is very good; the tubs don’t cool the coffee, and they have added sugar most of the time, while the powdered stuff… well, we all know what you can do with that.

(Give it about a minute. You’ll figure it out.)

So what do people do? They bring their own milk. I bring my own milk — pints or quarts or even a water bottle filled with it because they only had half-gallons at the store. I figure if you have a small enough container of milk, people won’t feel compelled to steal what you brought.

Not everyone has this figured out, however. And so you end up with two or three half-gallons of milk in the refrigerator, wrapped in a plastic grocery bag or (maybe) labeled with the name of the person to whom it belongs. You tend to know which milk container is yours… but no one else does.

And no one else cares, as long as the expiration date hasn’t been reached. If you’re not careful, and you make it easy, someone like me is going to pour a few ounces of your milk into my coffee mug and enjoy every sip. You’ll have no idea, and you’ll have no recourse; after all, hundreds of people work here. How can you know who stole your milk?

Hey, it wasn’t me! You can’t prove it was me! What, this coffee? That’s non-dairy powdered creamer in there; want to try some? No? Well, all right then.

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