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nobody poop! July 23, 2009

Posted by That Guy in Free Food!, Inexplicable Memos From Above, Wasting Time.
Tags: , , , , , ,

In my e-mail yesterday morning:

In order to repair a leak in our main water line we will be shutting the water to the building off, we’ll get it back on as soon as possible.

In other words, someone needs to get on the paging system and say: “NOBODY POOP!”

Anyway, about five minutes later I got this e-mail:

After further review the plumber has determined that the leak is in a different line, so the building water supply will be restored in the next few minutes.

That was 10:30. When I went into the kitchen at 12:30 to grab my lunch, the water was still off. At 5 p.m., half an hour before quitting time, the water was still off. I was really tempted to work from home today, but the water, thankfully, was back on.

Photo by Jacky Jazzowl

Photo by Jacky Jazzowl

Boy, am I glad I didn’t have to poop.

When your building is having water issues, it can be a real pain, and not just in the ass. Not only can you not use the toilets, but you can’t wash your hands, you can’t fill your water bottles, you can’t add water to your oatmeal or condensed soup, and you can’t wash out your coffee mug.

Speaking of coffee mugs, you also can’t make coffee if there’s no water. And coffee is undoubtedly the lifeblood of offices, more so now that fewer people are smoking — which was the social event of the 50s and 60s, or so I’m told by people who were in the workforce then. Coffee provides a nice little window of time which incorporates the selection, the cleaning of the pot and filter system, the brewing, the pouring, the adding of the milk and sugar, and the blowing of the steam. Add to that all the time you spend talking as people come in and out of the break room, and the slow, patient Hot Coffee Walk back to your desk (during which you pause to talk to everyone you possibly can) and you’ve killed between 15 and 30 minutes.

No other activity at work wastes more time with more imagined legitimacy than a coffee break, and without water, there’s no coffee. And without coffee, you have to do actual work.

Perish the thought.

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