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ten tips you’ll never use at work November 6, 2009

Posted by That Guy in Lessons Learned, Seen Elsewhere.
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I found this little chunk of bloggy goodness called Ten Tips for a Happier Life, and I suppose they make sense, but if you work in a corporate environment, none of them will ever be applicable to you.

1. Don’t worry. Worry is the least productive of all human activities and thoughts.

Worry. Worry that you’re going to lose your job. Worry that your project won’t get done on time because someone else didn’t bother to finish his or her part. Worry that you won’t see your kids tonight because your boss decided to drop three extra tasks on you at 5:30, and then he jetted off to see his mistress while you sat at your desk, trying to convince the cleaning people you really are supposed to be there this late.

2. Don’t let needless fears preoccupy your life. Most of things we fear never happen!!!

Well, I suppose this is true. I fear paper cuts; I’m careful not to get them. But how about contractors who don’t know if they’ll have a job when their contract is up? How about people on COBRA who can’t figure out how they’re going to pay the $1200 premium when the Obama “help you pay your COBRA” money runs out.

3. Don’t hold grudges. That is one of the biggest and most unnecessary weights we carry through our lives.

You kind of have to when you’re at the office. If you don’t, you’re going to get stomped on again and again as you try to be nice to the people who have wronged you.

4. Take on one problem at a time. It’s the only way to handle things anyway; one by one.

Good luck with that. If you’re not multitasking, your boss won’t think you’re doing enough work… but, worse, if you’re not multitasking, you’ll never finish everything you have on your plate.

5. Don’t take your problems to bed with you. They are bad and unhealthy companions for good natural sleep and rest.

Okay, (a), don’t sleep with people at work no matter how hot they are. And (b), you’re going to have work dreams. Yes, the place that sucks away your soul for nine or more hours a day is going to intrude on the six or seven hours of blissful sleep that you’re supposed to get all to yourself every night. Get used to it.

6. Don’t take on the problems of other people. They are better equipped to handle their own problems than you are.

No, they’re not. Your boss will likely saddle you with someone else’s tasks if that person isn’t getting them done, done right, or done on time. But you don’t want your boss having to do that because it reflects badly upon the entire department. So you take on the tasks of the least-capable person at work so no one gets in trouble.

7. Don’t live in the past. It will always be there in your memories to enjoy. But don’t cling to it. Concentrate on what is happening right now in your life and you will be happy in the present and not just the past.

Companies don’t look toward the future. They look at what they did in the past and try to change one tiny thing in hope that customers will think it’s new and totally awesome. If you try to come up with something new and ground-breaking, you’ll be shot down. Better to live in the past so you’re not disappointed.

8. Be a good listener. It is only when one listens that one gets and learns ideas different from ones own.

Don’t get friendly with anyone who has kids in the Girl Scouts, or you’ll be buying overpriced cookies for the rest of your tenure.

9. Do not let frustration ruin and rule your life. Self pity more than anything interferes with positive actions with moving forward in our lives.

Let me just laugh out loud for a moment. Work is frustration interspersed with tiny bits of satisfaction akin to a child being congratulated for eating broccoli instead of feeding it to the dog.

10. Count your blessings. Don’t even forget the smallest blessings. As many small blessings add up to large ones.

Okay, I can get behind this one. Be thankful you have a job, because so many people don’t. Be thankful you’re getting paid less than you deserve to do a job that sucks because it keeps a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator. Be thankful you have good enough credit to put your kids into private school even though it means you’ll be working until you’re 80 instead of 67 or whatever the mandatory retirement age is these days. Be thankful you get to spend ten hours in the office, two commuting, and two more finishing work at home so you can keep your crappy job.

Count your blessings.

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