fridge sign week: jesus is watching you October 21, 2009

Okay, first of all, kudos for using the Buddy Christ. That was funny. But it’s the only positive thing about your note.

First, let’s tackle the religion angle. You just invoked a person who was, to many, the most important once-living individual in their personal belief system. And you did it to chastise someone who was stealing your Diet Cokes. It reminds me of that joke about the guy who kept saying “God will save me” and when he gets to heaven and asks why he wasn’t saved, G-d says “hey, I sent a boat and a helicopter; what more did you want?” When your first Diet Coke was stolen, you should’ve put the rest in your desk and gotten an ice tray. Pretty much the same thing as I recommended for Green Tea Dave (on Monday).

Second, there are two ways people view religion at work:

1. Important — People who think that religion is important enough in their personal lives that it has to spread out to work, including ending e-mails with “Have a Blessed Day!” or telling co-workers to pray more or inviting them to church functions.
2. Personal — People to whom religion is personal, who pray and believe but don’t think it should be part of work. I prefer these people.

There’s also the non-religious people.

Whatever option you’ve hit, though, you’ve offended every one of them. The very-religious people will be upset because you invoked Jesus to defend your soda, thereby making fun of the religion; the personal-religious people will be upset because you invoked Jesus to defend your soda, thereby being stupid about religion; the non-religious people will laugh their asses off, steal all your Diet Cokes, and leave a note, probably with a picture of Satan (the South Park or Tenacious D versions, for preference), saying that Jesus doesn’t exist. Not only will that piss off the religious people, but it’ll piss off the person who owned the Diet Coke.

Who probably wasn’t even being religious.

Who probably thought he was being funny.

There’s no way to win. And, honestly, it’s only Diet Coke. Grow up.